Questions. I get lots of questions. Here’s a random selection of queries concerning Brad and me, video poker, comps, professional-level play, car rentals and miscellaneous matters from readers, fans, editors, friends and email correspondents:

I hear you no longer stay in hotel-casinos while you are in Vegas. Say it isn’t so, Jean!

For 16 years, Brad and I shlepped our suitcases up and down the Strip, between the Strip and Downtown, and all around the valley. We never used a bellman or a valet parking attendant; instead, we carried our own luggage and traipsed from the “back-forty” parking lot for our daily exercise. Our last year as hotel room inhabitants, we spent 191 out of 365 nights upstairs from casinos. But there comes a time in every life (even a frugal one) when you think it’s time to take it a little easier. Hey, Brad and I have qualified for senior citizen discounts for many years!
It was simply time for us to slow down. We’d been playing video poker successfully for many years, so we decided to reward ourselves by buying “The Condo That Positive Expectation Built.” Now we can spend our many nights in Vegas in our own bed.
But don’t worry. We have casinos within walking distance.

Is it my imagination, or does it seem that at video poker, you hit three of a kind or four of a kind more often when the starting pair are opposite colors?

It’s not your imagination. You do hit three of a kind or four of a kind more often when the starting pair are opposite colors. But it’s nothing to get superstitious over (or, God forbid, to alter your strategy over!). It’s simple arithmetic. There are six ways to pick two suits, and only two of these have the same color for both cards. So you should hit trips/quads about twice as often when the starting pair are opposite colors.

Why is it that I can be playing a video poker machine where I grow 10 new gray hairs by the time it deals me a hand, and makes a loud beep every time I hit something or get a credit, while the machine next to mine could win the Indianapolis 500 and doesn’t make a peep?

Most machines have several speeds at which the cards appear and credits rack up; on some of the newer multi-game/multi-line machines, you can set the speed yourself. Most machines also have a volume control by which the beeps and boops can be turned up or down. Any slot mechanic can adjust the speed and volume of most video poker machines—ask a supervisor to send over a mechanic if your machine isn’t behaving the way you want it to.
Note, however, that sometimes the casino has deliberately slowed down some of their “good” VP machines, rather than removing them or reducing the pay schedule, when they have not been making money because of too much skilled play. Smart video poker players rarely request machine adjustments; this is likely to give them away as “pros” and draw unwanted casino management attention.

On my last trip to Las Vegas, I sat down at a 10/7 Double Bonus machine. At the next machine sat a grim young man who was playing very fast. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. Only once in the hour that I played did he consult a strategy card. And though I tried to make a little conversation, he completely ignored me. I assume he was a professional player, but are they all that rude?

It’s been said that “Gambling is a really tough way to make easy money.” Bob Dancer jokes that he works very, very hard to make sure that he never has to get another job.
Video poker pros don’t play for fun. They’re not in the casino to be sociable. Think about it: If you need to make a profit at video poker to pay for your basic life expenses, you’ll concentrate very hard. You won’t stop to chat with your neighbors, the casino personnel, anybody. Your eyes will be fixed on the screen and you’ll play as fast as you can so you can pay the rent and put food on the table.

Is there a way to take advantage of a 2-for-1 meal coupon at the same time that you’re getting the meal comped?

Ah, a frugal mind never rests! Excellent question, and yes, there is a way. If you’re serious about playing for comps, you’ll put your meals on your hotel bill with an eye toward getting all, or at least part, of them comped by a host at the end of your visit. By doing so, you can also use 2-for-1 meal coupons, so that the price of only one meal will be charged to your bill. It’s a great way to stretch your comps to the max.

I’ve heard that if you reserve a sub-compact car from a rental company, you’re almost guaranteed to get upgraded, since car rental companies usually don’t have too many of the cheapest cars on hand. I’d like to test out the theory, except for one little—or large, in this case—fly in the ointment. My wife and I shop at the big and tall stores, and I’m afraid that if we get stuck with a sub-compact, we’ll each be talking to a divorce lawyer by the end of our gambling trip. Any advice?

Plenty of my frugal friends never book a car in anything but the cheapest category offered by the car rental company. I can say that they almost always get an upgrade, because, although the cheapest cars are the most popular cars, they’re also the least prevalent in car rental inventories. Sometimes the counter agent will try to get you to upgrade to a larger model before he has to tell you that they’re out of the sub-compact and that you’re going to be upgraded at no extra charge anyway. You might be tempted to go for it, but you need to turn down the offer. Otherwise, you won’t know if you’re in line for a free upgrade. If it does turn out that you’re about to be assigned the “divorcemobile,” just say that you changed your mind after all, and you can upgrade to a larger car at that time.
This technique can be almost the closest thing you will ever have to a “gambling lock” if you pick up your vehicle very late in the day. The rolling sardine can you reserved may turn into a land yacht.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen in a casino?

I’m a collector of weird things in casinos—a place that is just teeming with weirdness.

One time we played next to an 85-year-old man who was a known millionaire. He was playing a video poker machine one nickel at a time. When we asked him why didn’t he play for bigger stakes, or at least put five coins in so he could score if he got a royal, he said he was saving for his old age.

Friends of ours witnessed a group of Hawaiians at a Downtown Vegas crap table holding a portrait of the family patriarch. It turns out that the grandfather had been looking forward to coming to Las Vegas and spending time with his family at their favorite casino game, craps. But he became ill and passed away before the trip. That did not stop this family reunion. Eleven members of the family still made the trip and found a way to honor the much-missed twelfth, holding up grandfather’s picture, betting for him, even setting the dice the way he always had done.

Once at the Orleans, someone saw a guy playing a three-reel slot machine. He had a cardboard sign blocking the first two reels in such a way that he could only see the third reel spinning. The sign said, “I do not want to see the near misses! Thank you for not asking.”
At the same casino, while walking past a bank of video poker machines, Brad and I saw a man playing furiously. On the back of his dirty shirt were the words “I Am the Expert Here.” Of course, we had to stop and discreetly watch him play—and watch him make every strategy error in the book.

I’m always on the lookout for wedding scenes around Las Vegas. I’ve seen a bride with her whole bridal party boarding the city bus, heading for the Strip. I’ve seen brides in their gowns sitting at the slots or blackjack tables or playing keno.

A friend was playing Jacks or Better video poker next to a little old lady. During the play they got to talking. The little old lady asked if my friend knew about the “green lights” on the machine.

My friend said yes, the green lights verified bills for the bill changer.

The little old lady exclaimed, “No! The little green lights are how the casino watches you. They can see who you are and how much you’re winning and then control the machine.”

She leaned over and whispered this secret: “What you do when you’re ahead is cover the little green lights with two fingers so they can’t see that you’re winning.”

She was so serious that my friend didn’t feel any desire to correct her. Yet as silly as it sounds, when my friend is on a winning streak, she sometimes slips two fingers over the green lights!